Hmmmm... Saturday... what did I do Saturday. Oh, nothing! I took Kyla to gymnastics in the morning, and we went shopping for a little while in the afternoon... but I basically did nothing. I guess it wasn't too bad, since I did spend some decent time with Kyla. Yesterday, I had an Open House. What a waste of my time. I'm really tired with this whole Open House thing. Since I am not moving to Utah in the foreseeable future, I don't have nearly as much incentive to sit around the house waiting for people to maybe come by. Then, when they do come by, if they seem like 'just lookers, not really trying to find a place right now' sort of people, I just want to throw them out of the house.
Anyways, I was kind of in a crappy mood for much of yesterday. I had a dream I was in Utah, which didn't start the day off well. Then I scramble to clean the house in case anyone comes by. I start flipping channels and come across some gardening shows. Generally, I would watch them. When I lived in Conn. I would watch them, since I actually gardened. Here, there is no real gardening to be done, so watching gardening shows is like watching a show about people whose lives are going their way.. NOT gonna happen. I was enjoying gardening shows when I thought I was moving, since I was excited to get back into gardening.
So, I sat outside and sweated all day. A wasted day. I got more and more bummed that this is the second time where my life was headed in a good direction, just to have it swept away from under me. I knew moving back to Florida would be a mistake, and it sure as shit was. In Ct. I got paid $10k more than I am now, had half the mortgage payment (plus, I had a 15 year mortgage), I had seasons, hills, hiking, camping, hobbies, a yard, a nice deck, and much more. Here, I have shit (family excluded). I hang out with no one, I have no hobbies, I can't stand the state, I can't stand the weather, I can't stand the people (at large, not including all the people at work), my job seems to have no upward mobility at all, my skills at work are underutilized... I could go on.
So, the bright light at the end of the tunnel looked like Utah, but ended up being a train coming at me head on yelling "YOU'RE FUCKED AGAIN KEV!"
One of the main reasons we ended up moving back down here was because Suzys family is here. She will deny that was a major reason, but it was. Guess what? Her mom and dad are moving to northern Florida, as well as her sister. So, we come back, and they leave. How special. How FUCKING special.
One thing that Suzy and I disagree on is what is more important; being around people you know, even if you hate the place, or being in a place which makes you happy. I think the latter is correct. I think it is more important to be at a place which offers you things which make you happy, like gardening, hiking, camping, seasonal activities, etc... I think friends and a local support system will just happen as you meet people. Suzy thinks it is more important to live around people who are already established, even if you hate the place. But, it seems no one else thinks this way. Her parents have 2 grandkids living within 30 minutes of them (along with other family and friends), but they don't seem to have a problem moving 12 hours away. I guess they don't follow this "be close to family" methodology. Neither does her sister, who will be moving at an undrivable distance. Her best friend Kelly has considered moving to PA. She wouldn't stay here because Suzy is, as I wouldn't expect her to. So, why is it that everyone else gets to pick up and leave this hell hole, but I end up being stuck here? I mean, I do love Suzy and we are working out our issues, don't get me wrong on this. But, I think her view of 'who' and 'where' aren't aligned with what others think, or the actions others make. I would make a wager that within 1 year of her parents moving, she will want to move to the panhandle. I think her parents are moving next month. I know she will miss them, but honestly, they haven't been too involved over the last year or so. We rarely see them, and I can't even recall the last time they took Kyla for a day, or for a sleepover. I wonder if they will over the next month. I bet once.
Suzy thinks that I should be happy that we are still together as a family. I agree, and I am. However, that doesn't magically provide me with a way to do things I enjoy. That doesn't somehow make my life get back on track as it has been twice before. There is more to life than sitting around on a Saturday morning saying "So, what do you want to do today?", "I don't know, what is there to do?", "Well, nothing outside because it is 100 degrees, and everything inside isn't very interesting." So, we can sit around bored, but as a family. Somehow, that is supposed to keep me going. I'd rather answer the question as "Well, we could go for a hike, do some gardening, go to the park, go do (insert seasonal activity here), play in the yard, or any number of other fun activities."
Anyways, I guess this was a long rambling vent.. but I need that. I do hope this all works out well in the near future. I have some good days, and some bad ones. Yesterday was bad, today is iffy so far. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.
Posted by Kevin at August 26, 2002 10:49 AMKevin,
I totally agree that people should live where they are happy and that you meet new friends as life progresses. How the hell are you supposed to meet new people when it's 100 degrees out anywhy? Because your trapped inside, that's why. And the family thing. Well, that's inconclusive. I vascilate between thinking being near my mom is nice (instant babysitter) and thinking she's an asshole who drinks too much wine at parties. I mean, the woman will sell my secrets to the highest bidder at the supermarket checkout if it means rambling on to no one in particular about my latest anecdote will garnish that attention she craves. The woman needs to get a life, but I digress. No loyalty there, and that's sad. But I really do love my family. I just have enough sense of myself that I don't need to live near them. Besides, if they all lived near me, we'd never be able to take long road trips to Texas and sing, "over the river and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go..."
First of all, marriage is a decision. Period. Feeling in love is a decision. Staying married over the longhaul is a mark of character and maturity. These days people seem to think marriage is a natural extention of romantic feelings, and then, "oh God! I think this sucks!" happens and then one thing leads to another thought and then you think so and so is kinda hot lookin' today and then you wonder how much you could get for the house and/or maybe you just can't take the mundane lifestyle that seems to accompany marriage...etc., I could go on. Okay, well married life is mundane. It's life (when you're married or not, even) and you really shouldn't be in a place that makes you so unhappy.
I hope your Suzy makes the decision to stay married and then realizes that she should compromise and move to Utah with you. And I hope that you both grow up and realize that the grass is not greener and that you both have a responsibility to your child to stay together and teach her through example what stability is and what it means to accept another individual 100% without judgement. If your wife is unhappy with you it's probably because she is also unhappy with herself but can't figure out why. Her oath is to you--not her other extended family. She's finding faults with you but can't find any with herself? Nitpicking? Not showing acceptance? Perhaps you need to help her along--coax her into feeling okay about separating herself from her expectations (that set you up to fail)firstly, by making her feel appreciated. She isn't feeling like you are the #1 family member to be around because maybe you aren't around? Is that true? Men can be very technical to the point of minimizing the emotional needs of women because women's thought patterns don't always seem logical. But in marriage thoughts don't have to be logical. It is so tough to pull one's self away from the computer or personal hobby, but it must be done to show support of another sometimes. Including a partner in your hobbies leaves that partner feeling empty inside if they don't feel at the center of it. Suzy doesn't feel appreciated, so she doesn't want to be suportive of you. How can she be happy alongside you in the garden or hiking or editing a manuscript when she's feeling like you don't really care that it's HER that's with you or helping you?
The worst thing you can do is say, "tell me, Suzy, exactly what you want me to do about it." It's akin to asking her for her phone number (before your first date) and then, after taking the slip of paper, looking at her and saying, "what do you want me to do about this?" Duh. You knew exactly what to do. She wants your best self at least once a week on a regular basis. She wants to feel pursued like when you first met. She needs your attention in order to keep her feelings of acceptance for you alive. The thing with women is they just need a tiny bit of feeling appreciated ("appreciated"--translation---100% genuine interest in her and only her for about 3-5 hours, once or twice weekly, where you are the pursuer) and unconditional support will be returned 100-fold. That's a woman for you. Whoever you are, I really hope you work it out. And remember---it's a decision. Marriage doesn't have this existential quantifying glue floating around in the abstract that keeps two people together. It's paper and words. The paper and words, however, cement and make binding a promise made between two people who are keeping a union alive from something deep inside themselves. It takes a lot, but is amply rewarding. Life IS boring. It's going to go on for you for another, I don't know, 50 or 60 years? It's exhausting to think you must fill every single day with something "interesting" to do. Just live with each other and drop the expectations of life and marriage that you are dumping on each other. Give your child something stable in an otherwise shitty world. Appreciate beauty, appreciate laughter, appreciate nothingness and boredom and embrace when good things fall into your lap.
All this and you didn't need to pay mystic Cleo anything.
But then, I could be wrong about everything.
On another note, Justin is so cute that I want him to win, but I equally want Kelli to win because her voice is so fantastic. Nikki just sucked because a.) she had no originality and b.)her voice was FLAT. I can't believe she made it that far. I want Kelli to win, mostly, though.
Posted by: Susan Macaluso on August 29, 2002 9:36 PMKevin - It's November, after Thanksgiving. Are you still in Florida?? I live in Utah. I will be one of many people I know who hate it here. (Or strongly dislike). I work as an RN at the University - therefore I work with many folks from other states. Many, many of whom think Utah is a strange, strange place. If you are a Mormon, you will love it. Otherwise, good luck meeting people who will be your friends. I am from Pittsburgh, PA originally. Big time culture shock moving here. There has got to be something to do in Florida. I wish you luck - but think twice - or three, four, five times before moving to Utah.
Posted by: Beth Rold on November 30, 2002 7:55 PMWe want to try out for American Juniors but cant find out how???
Posted by: Thia & Tammy on September 9, 2003 5:59 PMWe want to try out for American Juniors but cant find out how???
Posted by: Thia & Tammy on September 9, 2003 5:59 PMWe want to try out for American Juniors but cant find out how???
Posted by: Thia & Tammy on September 9, 2003 6:00 PMI want to try out for American Juniors but I don't know how. My parents have agreed to let me go try out. I really do want to try out but you have to tell me how. I hope you can tell me how to try out. Thanks. Bye.
Posted by: AMANDA on February 2, 2004 10:19 PMtoday is my birthday and i am sitting here on the computer. i am thirty now and i should be out celebrating but i have four children and i am devoted to them. besides it's just another year older. my family comes first , alcohol can wait.
Posted by: mary on May 20, 2004 10:50 PM